Costco Recalls: The Latest & Why It's Always Something

The Jerky Apocalypse is Upon Us

So, Costco's at it again. This time it ain't just some obscure item nobody cares about – we're talking about freakin' food. Metal in the jerky, plastic in the salad... what's next? Ground glass in the rotisserie chicken?

Let's be real, "recalls" are just corporate PR speak for "we screwed up, big time." They expect us to believe this nonsense, and honestly...

2. 2 million pounds of Golden Island pork jerky recalled because of metal fragments. Metal. In jerky. Like finding a needle in a haystack, except the haystack is made of dried meat and the needle could shred your insides. The metal, surprise surprise, came from a busted conveyor belt. You'd think in 2025, they'd have figured out how to keep their machines from self-destructing into our snacks. Costco Recalls Pork Jerky, Caesar Salad, and Chicken Sandwich Over Metal and Plastic Contamination

And then there's the plastic. Caesar salad and chicken sandwiches tainted by plastic fragments in the dressing. Not microplastics, mind you – visible chunks of plastic. So, not only are we slowly poisoning ourselves with the stuff we can't see, now we get the added bonus of potentially choking on the stuff we can.

Is Anyone Actually Surprised?

The real kicker? No confirmed injuries. Yet. It's always "no confirmed injuries yet." Like they're just waiting for some poor soul to swallow a shard of metal and then shrug, "Oh well, we warned you."

Speaking of warnings, they always tell you to return the product for a full refund. Like that makes up for the potential ER visit. "Here's your $12 back, now go get your stomach pumped."

And it's not just Costco, offcourse. Remember that Ada Valley frozen ground beef recall from July? Metal in the beef, too. Is there some kind of metal-eating gremlin sabotaging our food supply?

I'm starting to think my grandpa was right. The only safe food is what you grow yourself. Which reminds me, my tomato plants are getting eaten by something. Probably mutant, metal-loving slugs, knowing my luck.

The System is the Problem

The experts are saying we need "enhanced monitoring protocols, stricter quality controls and improved equipment maintenance schedules." Groundbreaking. You don't say?

Here's a thought: maybe stop using so much plastic in the first place? I mean, I get it, plastic is cheap and convenient, but at what cost? We're slowly turning the planet into a giant landfill and our bodies into plastic repositories. Is saving a few bucks on packaging really worth the risk of poisoning ourselves and future generations? I mean, I'm no scientist but...

They say these incidents "underscore the necessity of regular equipment checks and strict supplier oversight." But let's be real, these are just band-aids on a gaping wound. The whole system is geared towards maximizing profit, and food safety is just an afterthought.

Call me cynical – no, wait, you should call me cynical, it's kind of my brand – but I'm not holding my breath for any real change. Corporations will keep cutting corners, regulators will keep dragging their feet, and we'll keep playing contamination roulette every time we buy groceries.

This is Peak Capitalism